1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'
> >
> > 2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'
> >
> > 3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'
> >
> > 4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge
> President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'
> >
> > 5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'
> >
> > 6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could
> get it.'
> >
> > 7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
> >
> > 8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'
> >
> > 9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '
> >
> >
> > 10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses
> every chance he gets.'
> >
> > 11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK
> eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'
> >
> > 12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish
> Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.


I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.




Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.


So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'


So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'


So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'


So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"




You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.


You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
_________________
i've passed over to the dark side now!!!

mickyled wrote:

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy. I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down. Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet. So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.' So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.' So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'" You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

just like that

lffb wrote:

just like that

Except it seems Tim Vine has been stealing jokes.

exit signs.......they're on the way out !!
_________________
i've passed over to the dark side now!!!

Gilly wrote:

lffb wrote: just like that Except it seems Tim Vine has been stealing jokes.

Mickyled the comedy ref



His jokes are shit tho

come on alvey!!!!!!!!!
_________________
i've passed over to the dark side now!!!

Lineachalk wrote:

Gilly wrote: lffb wrote: just like that Except it seems Tim Vine has been stealing jokes. Mickyled the comedy ref His jokes are shit tho

Does that mean you have see him ref????
_________________
We keep going till the end

Greenall wrote:

Lineachalk wrote: Gilly wrote: lffb wrote: just like that Except it seems Tim Vine has been stealing jokes. Mickyled the comedy ref His jokes are shit tho Does that mean you have see him ref????

I don't know what you mean ?